The Story of Who I Am...

"No they don't know who I really am

And they don't know what I've been through

Like you do, and I was made for you"

~Brandi Carlile, The Story

   

    I have been in the dark for so long about who I am, who I want to be, and what I was made to be.  I want to share the part of me that is finally able to be free of every doubt I had about myself and my capabilities.  I've been depressed for almost half of my life because of one thing or another.  Bullies, negative body image, lack of self-worth, rejection, and abuse are a few of the things I've experienced in my past 27.5 years of life.  It still hurts inside to know that I allowed myself to be subjected to the cruelty of others and myself.  We are all our harshest critics.  Let me tell you where I found myself three weeks ago.

     I'd had enough of my pity party.  I was tired of feeling trapped inside my grandmother's house.  I love her deeply and that is why I chose to be away from my husband because deep down there is a purpose.  She watched me grow up and now, I am watching her final stage of life.  There is no doubt in my mind that Alzheimer's is the long goodbye.  While she does not need constant supervision, I decided that my scholarly endeavors were no longer holding my interest.  I turned to the only thing that I knew could make me whole again, and that was my body.  

     I decided to join World Camp Crossfit.  That was three weeks ago.  I feel AMAZING!!! They are not a gym and are not pushing yearly memberships down my throat... HELLO!!! I have found a place of like minded people!  They are dedicated to building me up and making me stronger! I don't feel pressured to step on a scale everyday and wonder while the needle bounces back and forth if I'm going to measure myself self worth based upon the number on which it lands.  This is my time now! I will NOT buy another fitness magazine, I will NOT pressure myself to be a number on the scale, I will NOT enable my body to make poor choices, I will NOT give up, and I will NOT feel sorry for myself.  I WILL be strong, I WILL make good decisions, I WILL stand tall, I WILL never give up, I WILL struggle, and I WILL succeed.  

In the depth of winter, I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer.

- Albert Camus